Part Thirteen
 

Nat rushed into the 96th precinct, and handed the desk sergeant the files that
contained her latest autopsy results, then turned, and left as rapidly as she
rushed in.  Moving as fast as she could, she unlocked her car and turned the
ignition.  There was no sound, the battery sounded as if it were dead.
Frustrated and in a hurry, she tried again.  This time it grinded away, but
did not catch.  Things like this only happened when she was in a hurry.  If
she missed this appointment with the specialist, she would not be able to get
another one for months and she had already waited too long.  She forced her
foot down on the gas pedal again and twisted the key into the ignition.  After
a moment of sickly grinding noises, it stopped altogether.  She could not give
up now, she tried again, but the car would not respond.  Almost in tears from
frustration, she pressed her forehead into the top of the steering wheel, then
startled as she heard a tapping on her window.  Nick had just pulled into the
parking lot, and had heard her flooding her engine.  Smiling softly, he waited
for her to roll down her window.

"I think you flooded it.  You're going to have to let it sit for a while
before you try again."

"I don't have any time to wait.  I have an appointment across town."

"Come on then, I'll drive you there."

With a grateful smile, she gathered her purse and opened the car door.  "I
would really appreciate it, thank you."

Cold rain pelted them as they moved into the Caddy.  The grey clouds that were
so often seen in the winter, drifted like shadows over the nearly full moon.
He started the car, and looked over to her.

"The heat will start up soon.  I hope you are warm enough.  So where am I
driving you to?"

"I have an appointment with Dr. Anita Applegate.  It's a good twenty-minute
drive.  You'll have to make a right out of here, and then another right..."

"I know where her office is.  She is a very famous infertility specialist.  It
must have taken you a while to get this appointment."

"Yes, I really don't want to miss it, and do you think that you could keep..."

"I will not breathe a word to anyone."  She sighed in relief as they headed
for the expressway.  "I'm so glad you came along when you did.  You're a real
life saver."

"If you ever need anything Doctor, you know that you can always count on me."

She smiled.  "You know, this might sound crazy, but I did know that somehow.
We haven't had a chance to talk in a while.  How long has it been that you
have been married now?"

"About a year and a half."

"Funny, I would never have thought that the two of you would ever talk to each
other much less marry.  I guess with love, you never know what will happen."
Seeing his jaw clench, she changed the subject.  "So I guess that you have
moved out of your old loft apartment and into the Billingsly mansion."

"I moved out for her comfort, but I still own my old place.  I hope to stop by
later and make sure that everything is secure."

Before she could think, she blurted out, "Will you let me go with you?"

Turning to look at her, he almost hit the car in front of him as it slowed for
a construction site.  Seeing his reaction, she quickly added.  "I mean if
you're not busy... and if you're okay with that.  Actually, I was thinking
that if I saw where my accident happened, that I might remember more.  I know
that probably won't work and that it must sound silly, but I just have this
feeling it would help.  Do you know what I mean?  If you don't want to take
me, I'll understand."

For the first time since he had married Carrie, his eyes lit up brightly and
he smiled widely.  "Yes, I do understand and it would be nice to have some
company when I walk into that lonely, empty apartment.  But don't you think
you should speak with Mark first?"

"He's never home anymore.  He works round the clock and I think he is sick.  I
understand how you feel when you talk about walking into a empty place."

"I am sorry."

"Please don't be sorry.  I'm happy most of the time, I really am.  And if I
could ever have a child, I think that Mark would stay home more.  He is trying
to help me get rid of my sun allergy."

Trying to not lose control of the car again, he turned quickly to look at her.
"What do you mean?"

"Oh, it's not important, he has just gotten himself obsessed with me.  It's
sweet really."

They rode on in silence until he exited, and he looked over to see the
streetlights flashing light across her face and creating a mystical glow as
the car sped towards its destination.  Feeling his stare, she looked over and
smiled.

"Thank you for doing this, it is so nice of you to go to all this trouble."

"I hope this doctor can help you."

She sighed.  "Me too.  Mark seems to think that if he clears up my light
sensitivity that I might be more fertile.  He thinks that it is part of a
syndrome that is all related."  An embarrassed laugh escaped her.  "I should
not be discussing all this with you, this must be absolutely boring."

"It is all right to tell me.  I think that you know that as well, or you would
not have said anything."

"It is strange, but it's true.  I really do feel that I can share my deepest
secrets with you."

Pulling the car into the parking lot, Nick changed the subject of the
conversation.  "We're here.  Just let me call in and book off.  I want to wait
for you so I can take you back home."

"You mean your loft."  She reminded him.

"Yes, I am looking forward to that."

Smiling, she began to re-button her coat before braving the cold breeze that
was blowing rain against the car's windows.  With a little luck, maybe she
would have a baby by next year this time.

                                   --------

Nick ran to the other side of the car to help Nat out, then walked with her
towards the door.  As he approached the security panel on his door, Nat began
to call out the numbers.  Stunned by her memory, she looked at him.

"Is that right?"

With an excited laugh, he quickly answered.  "Yes, what else do you remember?"

"I didn't know that I remembered that until just now.  Why did I have your
security code?"

"I had given it to you.  You used to come by with reports that I needed."

She turned around on the wet pavement and gravel near the door and looked
around.  "Okay, so could you point to where you found me that night?"

Randomly picking a place near his parked car, he indicated an area to her and
she sighed sadly.  "Nothing.  I'm not remembering anything from there."

Reaching for her hand, he pulled her back to face the door.  "Let's go up.
Maybe you will remember something there."

The door creaked as Nick pushed it open into the quiet long since unlived in
loft, and they walked into total darkness.  Still holding Nat's hand from the
unlit way up, he stopped and began to fumble along the wall for the light
switch.  "Wait here doctor, I'll get some light."

"You really don't have to.  I can see just fine.  It's funny how my vision has
been improving lately."

His stomach dropped as he realized what was causing her eyesight to improve.
No mortal could see in this light.  It was black; pitch black and he could not
see a thing.  This was not a good sign, in fact, it was proof that she was
turning into what he had feared over three and a half years ago would happen
to her.

Now, with some lights on, Nat strolled around the room touching dusty objects,
listening to her own footsteps, and looking into every part of the room.
Closing her eyes, she tried as hard as she could to remember.  Everything felt
so right, but no vivid memories, like his security code, surfaced.  Maybe she
was trying too hard, nothing would come back to her.  She turned to look at
Nick from across the room.

"I know that I have been here before, and it feels good, but I can't remember
why."

Nick watched her as she walked towards the television and began to look
through his video collection.  Enthusiastically, she turned back to him.

"Could we watch one?  I really do not want to go home to an empty house now."

He tenderly smiled at the thought of once again sharing a night of movies with
her.  "I would like that."

"I hope I'm not bothering you too much, but you wouldn't happen to have some
popcorn around?  Watching videos is not the same without popcorn."

His smile widened.  "No, it would not be the same, would it?  I do have some
popcorn around here somewhere, but it might be stale.  You would be surprised
to see the food that is around here now."

She turned back to the videos to pick out a favorite as she answered him.
"Stale sounds great to me."

"You're not that hard to please."  Nick rushed into the kitchen to search as
Nat made herself comfortable on the sofa.  It was not long before the scent of
freshly popped popcorn filled the loft, and he brought a large bowl of the hot
fluffy kernels and sat it between the two of them.  Nat picked up the VCR
remote and pressed the power button.  "Do you mind, I already chose a tape?"

As his spirits soared, he felt like a young boy in love as he only looked at
her and smiled.  Smiling back at him, she held up the case.  "King Kong, I
hope you don't mind."

His eyes gleamed with old memories.  "It is what I would have picked."

She smiled as she sat back to watch as the starting credits rolled by, but he
could not take his eyes off of her.  By the time the movie was over, she was
dabbing at tears with a tissue, and he pulled the bowl out from between them
and placed it on the floor.  Sliding closer to her, he wiped away a tear and
she collapsed into his arms with sobs that were breaking his heart.

"Doctor, it was only a movie, he really didn't exist."

She looked up through her tears.  "No, it's not the movie.  It's being here
with you.  It's my life, my memory loss; it's my loneliness.  I go on from day
to day and I never feel the pain, but when I'm near you, I know that my life
doesn't have to be empty.  And that's what I miss everyday.  You make me feel
complete, and that doesn't happen with anyone else."

Looking into her eyes, he felt her pain, but he had to remind her of the life
she had.  "Doctor, you have a wonderful life.  Mark works endlessly to help
you, he loves you."

"But I don't love him, I never really loved him.  He never talks to me or sits
with me to watch a movie.  He is never there for me, like tonight.  I'm
nothing more than a lab rat to him.  I can't bear to go back home."

"You can stay here, but I think you may be making a mistake."

"If I stayed here, Mark wouldn't even know.  He is working on helping me.  I
don't want him to help me, but he won't stop."

"He cannot stop Nat. Just like you could not stop."

"Nat..., no one ever calls me Nat."

"I used to call you that."

Her tears stopped, and she looked intrigued.  "Then we were more than
friends?"

"In many ways we were only friends."

"But there's something else.  Please tell me."

"I cannot.  I cannot give you your memories.  You have to find them yourself."

Her frustration returned.  "But I can't!  I've tried and I can't!"

Reaching over to calm her, he brushed her hair back with his hand.  "It is
happening Nat, be patient."

She reached up to cover her hand with his, and they looked deeply at one
another.  Then slowly, he leaned towards her and kissed her lightly.  Her deep
sad eyes penetrated him as they parted, then she whispered to him.

"This time Nick, I cannot let you stop, and if you ever felt anything for me -
you will not."

He listened to her plea, and to the music her voice made when she spoke his
name.  His feelings for her had not relented during all this time.  He ached
all over as if he were bruised from missing her.  In silence he moved towards
her, and then kissed her deeply.  Breaking away from her for a moment to see
if she had changed her mind, he saw her look back and he knew that it was
right.  He kissed her again.  Passion quickened his breath, as he needed to be
with all of her.

The pleasure was almost unbearable for her as she felt his lips and tongue on
hers.  She clung to him as they touched and stroked one another.  Then without
releasing his gaze, she followed him as he took her by the hand towards the
stairs, turning off the lights on their way up.
 

End Part Thirteen

Back to Part Twelve! / Onto Part Fourteen!