Personally, I'm curious about what M'Lord Nicholas said about THIS one!!!

Thus wrote a certain reader about my last offering: 'Just Drain 'Em!'. Well, I was going to do a short stint for a private reply, but the small paragraph refused to die and kept going on, and on, and on.... <sigh> there goes today's computer time.

Same declarations as in the above mentioned parody.
This can be archived by www.fkfanfic.com

(Not beta read)

"Kyer!! Which one of those little guttersnipes wrote this?!!"

"Geez Louise, Nick. Tone down The Knightmare routine already! You've already scared all the Personalities into fleeing to the nearest Church and lighting prayer candles-- and one of thems an atheist. Poor Light was near catatonic with fright."

"They'd *better* be praying!" Nick waved the latest FicList offering in his clenched fist, growling. Kyer rolled her eyesin response, not intimidated in the least. She knew that when it came to friends, the powerful, but mercurial vampire chose bark over bite. He'd calm down soon. "This is the kind of stuff I'd expect from LaCroix's followers!" Nick's reddish glare softened to a worried blue. He frowned. "Have they switched to his camp, then?"

"Hardly." Kyer assured the blonde vampire. "They are as loyal to you as I. However, there *is* such a thing as a Dark Knightie, Nick, remember?"

"I knew it was Dark!" her hero nearly roared.

"And Dark Knighties like you best when your all befanged," Kyer reminded him. "You can't expect Dark to root for your mortality like Light does. Truth be told, Light is actually alone on that one, though most of like you just the way you are, Oh Loveable Lug of Laudable Leanings and Lushous Locks." She gave a bit of he last a teasing tug.

"Ha, ha. Very funny. And all starting with 'L' too." Nick pouted.

"Nocturnal Illustrious Crusading Knight?"

A reluctant smile. "Better."

"Nunkies-Irritant Causing Kid?"

The smile faded. "What?"

Kyer frowned to herself, "I think Dark is back home."

Sure enough, the black and charcoal-grey clad Knightie Personae crept hesitantly into the room. "I forgot the battery pack for my Walkman," Dark explained, holding up the black box and headphones. "Darn thing died right in the middle of 'The Hunger'." She shot Nick a pointed look. "Is he still ballistic?" she asked the Personality Supervisor.

Shrugging, Kyer turned her head to face Nick, "Are you still ballistic?"

Nick showed them his yellow-flecked irises. "Emergency Standby Counter Attack," he informed the guilty party. "C'mere."

Dark reluctantly shuffled over close enough for Nick to grab her arms and hold her in front of him. "Tell me you aren't a Cousin," he demanded sternly.

"I'm not a Cousin." repeatedly Dark.

"But you don't approve of me." The vampire's eyes were shadowed with pain.

Dark actually paled. "That's rot! You're the neatest bloodsucker on the planet!.... off-side too, when Lorelei S. does her crossovers."

"But?"

"D.S. sighed. "But... I wish you'd show off those canines more. Do you know that practically the only time we Dark ones get to see those puppies is when your angry?----Yeah! Just like that! Perfect!" she exclaimed as Nick's fangs fell into place.

"*Puppies*?" the 800-year old knight growled threateningly around his main vampiric accessories, the elongated canines glistening.

"Did I say 'puppies'?" Dark nearly squeeked, realizing belatedly that it *could* be taken as an insult, what with males being so *size* conscious and all.. "I meant, full-grown Arctic wolf purebreds! *Way* bigger than a fledgling's tiny Welshies, yet not so cumbersome as those stupid 'Enforcer' Great Dane models."

"Purebreds?" Nick couldn't help but smile again.

"With pedigrees." Dark avowed, relieved to see her idol grin.

"So all this provoking you do is just to see my fangs more?" He sounded just a tad skeptical.

"Course."

"Nothing to at all to do with your penchant for mischief?"

Wide eyed shock under black bangs. "Moi?"

Nick sighed. "You know, with followers like you, who needs a possessive, egomaniac father?"

The blue and red wearing CotK Personae popped up at Nick's elbow. "*You* do!"

The detective noticed that all of the Personalities were warily piling into the room, looking concernedly at him and their sister. He sighed again. Oh well. On the whole they were a good bunch of quasi-people. And Light sure kept his place looking spic and span--- not an easy thing considering all the broken skylight glass, wine bottle corks, and assorted damaged bric-a-brak he seemed to accumulate every week. He released his grip on the Dark Squirette. "Alright... you're forgiven."

A deafening cheer erupted, the sound echoing back from the nearly bare walls, momentarily stunning Nick's sensitive ears.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

Dark grinned evilly as she exclaimed loudly, "FLEDGELING PILE ON NICHOLAS!"

Nick looked confused. Fledgeling pile? What was a...? Oh, no. "Ack!!" the hapless Crusader barely had time to mutter an extinct oath before he was inundated by a carouche-ified Sydney, 18 vampiric plants (potted) of various Tropical origins, a wood plank mounted Staghorn Fern (who thankfully landed with the wood *away* from his allergic skin), and---- <familiar vampiric tingle> Uh oh! "DON'--" He frantically waved what part of his arms he could wiggle out of the giggling foilage in an attempt to get clear. Unfortunately, his botanical grandchildren thoughtfully misinterpreted his desire, and made a space around their captive's torso for their prickly pear father's leap. Just as Nick feared, the black silk of his best shirt proved an inadequate barrier to the many cactus needles of his most unusual son.

"--Oophf! OW!"

"<Rustle>"

"Hello to you, too, Spike." Nick groaned as his offspring happily hugged him. "Dark!" The roar was a bit muffled by the greenery, but was heard anyway by a certain incorrigible Personae.

"What?"