Kyer owns Freddy, Spike and Fern. Nick, Nat & LaCroix are owned by Sony Tristar

This is a kinda-sorta Spike-less sequal to Parenthood Can Be A Pain In The Neck. You don't have to read that story to understand this one, but it might help to know that Spike is a cactus-childe of Nick's.

Inspired by the Forever Knight Snake Story Challenge where the word 'snake' had to play a part in the plot. If you like it you can comment on it thru: [email protected]

Nicholas de Brabant watched mesmerized as the creature slithered about in its glass cage. The package had arrived nearly an hour ago and he had yet to get over his fascination with it. Gradually, the wanderings of the imprisoned reptile, a Diamondback Rattlesnake, ceased as its nose came up against one of the unrelenting glass panels. Its tongue flicked out at the glass, just inches from the vampire detective's face.
On impulse, Nicholas flicked out his own tongue.
The snake's tongue flicked out.
Nick's tongue flicked out.
The snake's tongue flicked out.
Nick's tongue flicked out.
The snake's tongue.
Nick's tongue..
The snake's.
Nick's.
Snake's.
Nick's.
Sn...

As engrossing as all this was, Nicholas decided it was time to up the ante: he bared his fangs.

Not to be outdone, the rattler reared up and displayed its own set of slender sabers.

A pleased grin spread over the vampire's face at this sudden display of kinship. He was about to open the cage's cover when he heard the lift doors opening. Egads! Apparently, he had been so caught up with his new acquisition that he had failed to hear the lift mechanism kick in. LaCroix, if he knew, would undoubtedly be appalled. Unless, of course, his visitor *was* his vampiric father. Fortunately, that was highly unlikely as his master had always shown a predeliction for crashing through his skylight rather than using a normal door. Nick suspected the 2,000-year old vampire kept stock in skylight glass companies and was using the considerable revenue to keep his radio show solvent.

"Nick?"

The light tone of Natalie Lambert's voice cut through the silence. Nick quickly covered up the make-shift aquarium with the cardboard box it had come in before the coroner could see it. She still hadn't recovered from his son's creation and he didn't think she'd care for this particular aquisition either. Best not take chances.

"Hi there, Nick. What'dya got there? The pretty doctor smiled at him as she gestured at the large box sitting on the living room table.

"Nothing." Nick cast a furtive glance behind him.

"Nothing, huh?" Natalie tried to step around him. "Mind if I take a peek at this mysterious nothing?"

"Well... " he blocked her path.

"Ah-- c'mon, Nick! Oh.... I get it--- its our anniversary gift, isn't it."

"Anniversary? What anniversary?"

"Don't play coy with me, mister, you know what tommorrow is." She grinned hungrily at him. "Exactly seven months ago I got you to taste chocolate--- and you liked it!"

"Oh." Nich was careful to hide his grimace. It had taken an awful lot of will power to keep smiling while he had suffered through a nibble of the gooey stuff, but at the time it seemed the only way to get her to stop waving the candy bar in his face. "Yeah... um.. *that* anniversary." Much as Nicholas dreamed of becoming mortal again, he had to wonder if he would ever be able to get the hang of it. So many cultures and customs! Even his vampiric memory was strained to remember them all. Yet people like Nat seemed to recall such an assortment of anniversaries and local holidays with apparentely no problem whatsoever. It was very confusing.

"So what did you get me?" Natalie's question broke him out of his reverie.

"It's a surpirse." Boy was it ever. He wondered what would be a suitable gift for a Chocolate Anniversary--- was it more similar to the Ketchup Anniversary or to King Kong Rememberance Day?--- and could he purchase something for it by tommorrow?

Natalie allowed a small pout to play over her features. "Spoiled sport!" She brightened, "Say, Nick, why don't you go make me some popcorn and select a movie, ok? We can sit on the couch and enjoy it together--- whaddya say?"

"Um... sure." The detective went off to rustle up a microwave popcorn bag while muttering gift possibilities to himself.

"That'a boy!"

As soon as Nick had disappeared into the kitchen, Nat reached out and lifted up the cardboard box. "And while you're busy doing that, I'll just take a small, little peek and.....ga-ak..kkphff.. NNNNIIIICCCKK!!" Suddenly nerveless fingers let the box fall back into place.

Popcorn bag in hand, Nicholas came flying (literally!) back into his living room. "NAT?!"

"Nii-he-iick----its a s-s-naake!" Natalie pointed at the cardboard box.

"Actually, Nat, that's masticated and compressed cellulose pulp. The Discovery of Useless Facts Channel had a special on it." Natalie took a deep breath to calm herself. It didn't work. "You know p-perfectly well what I mean, Mr. Nicholas B. Knight! And just what are you doing with a s-snake in the Loft?! I mean, whatever could have possessed you to buy such a thing for a pet!" She glared at him as if the animal was a personal affront to her.

"I didn't buy it, Nat.. it was a... gift of sorts." Nick explained, hoping she would let it drop. No such luck. He could see it in her eyes. This was Natalie in Inquisitor mode. She'd harp on him mercilessly until he'd told her everything.

"Don't tell me--- let me guess. Poisonous, slimy.... LaCroix sent it didn't he?"

"No. LaCroix might send me rattlesnack bloodwine if he thought I'd drink it, but... Nat-- Freddy isn't *slimy*."

"Freddy?"

Uh, oh. Here we go...

"You named a killer snake *Freddy*?" Nick pointed to the name tag taped to one side of the aquarium. "Agua Fria Freddy. It was already named after an American state's legend. Something to do with forecasting the local weather."

"Lovely." The coroner spat in a voice that meant anything but. "Why's it here?"

"Screed's on a month's vacation in Las Vegas."

"So?"

"So a friend I know knew I needed help with the rats."

Nat's big, expressive eyes got even more expressive. "Wait a minute!" She looked around the room nervously. "Rats? You've got *rats* in the Loft?!"

"Oh, yeah. All of the old buildings around here get them. Remember last week when we were watching Casablanca and you accused me of not paying attention? I was watching this baby one trying to get the chocolate bar out of your purse. It was really kinda funny--- poor little fellow couldn't quite get his.... You ok, Nat? You don't look so good."

"I'm... f-fine."

"If you say so." Nick looked unconvinced.

"So the snake is a gift." Natalie asked, trying to regain her professional demeanor.

"Yes."

"For exterminating rats."

"Uh uh."

"So... this means that you're planning on letting a live rattlesnake have the run of your home." She gulped as a sudden thought hit her. "It *is* alive... isn't it? I mean, its not..? Nick frowned at her. He really didn't need to be reminded of last month's mishap. "Geez Nat, you're getting to be as bad as Tracy--- seeing vampires everywhere. No. Freddy is quite mortal."

"And..?" She fixed him with a finger to the chest. "And.. Nick?"

"Well... 'run' probably isn't the right word for it. More like have the *slither* of the place."

"S-s-slith-th-er..."

Nick was now positive Natalie was turning green. "Nat? You want to lie down on the sofa a bit?"

"Yeah..." Natalie started to say, then thought of what he had said on the rats. "No! No, I think I'd better go home-- right away. Gotta feed Sydney you know. Um... bye!" Natalie practically ran out the door, head swimming with visions of slithering rattlesnakes and large rats crawling everywhere. She shivered as she reached for her car keys. First vampire cacti... now rats and snakes! Why did she always fall in love with the nutcases?

Back in his living room, Nick shrugged to himself. Nat sure had been acting strange. Oh, well. He walked back to the box and lifted it away. Within minutes 'Freddy' was quietly exploring the nooks and crannies of his possessions. It wasn't long before Nicholas' vampiric hearing caught the sound of a satisfied 'burp'. For an instant he felt a tinge of guilt, but luckily he had something important to do to keep his mind off having contributing to the scurrying mortal's demise. Gathering together some writing stationery and a pen, he sat down and began to compose a letter:

Dear, Spike:

Glad to hear about your plans for marriage. If I can slip past LaCroix during that time, I'd be honored to be your best vampire. Hope it all turns out well for you and Fern in any case.
I'm fine and so are the grandkids, though Nat's not feeling too good just now. Must be the flu or something.
Anyway, I got your package today....

************ The End ****************

Grins, :)=

Kyer, Loyal Squirette to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, One of The Hungry, Le Miz, Immortal Beloved (yet flexible), Paranoid-Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalities who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time!