By Kyer en Ysh
composed in June, 2000
When I was young I dreamed of life many years ahead,
When I'd be granted knighthood, and fight in God's good stead.
I'd battle many a heathen; vanquish every foe,
Who dared to blaspheme God's name with tales of twisted woe.
I'd win a badge of Honor, of Righteousness and Worth,
And leaving mortal body, would earn Celestial berth.
A proud, tall steed I'd ride on to gallop to the fore,
I'd salute Master Peter 'fore passing Heaven's Door.
But such was not my future, for I was swift betrayed,
My fate was set in motion when on my hands were laid,
The life's blood of a Lady whose voice and beauty fair,
Were woven to her Harp's string and artfully held there.
With nothing but to follow, I took the hand of Fate,
And spent my youth in battle with my own thoughts of hate.
For as I dwelt in horror, I thought the less of Him,
And in my heart my child's faith, did grow the ever dim.
Thus went the years in passing, in blood spilt and in gore,
Until my Faith had wiltered, while Doubting grew but more.
For coming out of prison, whence I had wounded lain,
I came to the decision that Heaven held no gain.
So thus in weakened spirit, Fate took me further yet,
Into the path of Darkness that doubting had beget.
A humble inn in Paris, this was my second creche,
Where I was made a monster, a Godforsaken wretch.
There, second Lady beckoned, this one of Raven hair,
Who led me through Temptation and straight into her lair.
Still other lay in waiting, the reason I was brought,
A fearsome befanged demon whom a companion sought.
This vampire held me speechless, his words captured my heart,
He said I'd live forever immune to Death's cruel dart.
And so I gave acquisence as I my neck laid bare,
Bequeathing soul to Darkness with nary of a care.
I dreamed of endless desert and silent, sullen sky,
Until I saw an entrance that kept Brilliance inside.
There Angel asked a question of what my choice would make,
And I, full of suspicion, chose to my great mistake.
A world of ancient wonder, I thought I'd found at first,
This promise turned to ashes, and an unending Thirst.
I woke to horrid Hunger, but swiftly this was quenched,
By aid of mortal's life's blood, which I forcefully wrenched.
They taught me rules to live by in this new night-bound life,
Learned how to them was bonded closer than man and wife.
This charmed my newfound sire, but pleased me not at all,
I scarce had left the Heathen, and now another's thrall?
But fastened was my future with heavy chain and lock,
Forever I had chosen, and the Eternal mocked.
So, faced with my transgression, there was no more to say,
I had picked my gaol keeper, and him I must obey.
To trick my guilty conscience, I let my morals go,
And let the id within me become mankind's worst foe.
A bloody trail we led then, as each night we did feast,
My master and my sister, and I, their brother beast.
But conscience may be wilted, and starved nigh unto death,
Yet give it sup of kindness, and is as God's own breath.
A few good soul's that helped me, and gave me cause to think,
These fed the guilt within me, whenever I did drink.
At last the remorse filled me, and gave rebirth to mores,
I started searching archives for curative-filled lores.
My master took this badly, he beat me for my 'lapse',
And killed the healers with me; denied me "mortal chaps".
A hundred times I ran away; a hundred times he found,
A game of Hunt we played then, I, Fox and he the Hound.
And when at last he caught me, he kept me close besides,
Til happenstance would aid me, or friend's with skillful lies.
And though my quest was fruitless, still I persisted on,
Intent as I was ever, once more to see the dawn.
And sometimes it seemed closer, and somtimes it felt far,
Like some galactic sunrise o'er an alien star.
Still, even as I searched for my own personal Grail,
My sire was there behind me, to make certain I'd fail.
This caused me oft to loathe him, and try our bond to rend,
Yet still this thought persisted: "He only wants a friend."
My sire, you see, does love me; he needs a family tie,
He simply does not wish me to as a mortal die.
And how can I ignore this, and leave him all alone?
If I abandon sire, need this I, too, atone?
Fini