Part 13: "A Night at the Movies (B)"

++Previously in Part 12++ (Nick, Spike, LaCroix, Masher, and Grunt discover the mysterious crisis involves a bunch of Spike's offspring who have taken over a theatre)

((("Good grief, Spike! Didn't I tell you to break their stems after you bite them?")))

"<Russtle.>"

((("I didn't? Oh... yeah.. um.. hehe gee, guys--how was I to know this would happen?"))) Nick's expessive puppy-dog blue eyes did their darndest to diffuse the others' ire. Thankfully it worked. LaCroix gave an ancient oath but managed to contain himself otherwise.

((("How many times have I told you, mon fils, that you must *immediately* fill your childe in on the Rules?"))) LaCroix seethed.

((("Ha! You did it!")))

((("Did what?"))) the General looked startled.

((("You acknowledged Spike as my childe."))) Nick grinned in triumph.

LaCroix's eyes narrowed to slits. ((("I did no such thing.")))

(((Yes you... um.."))) Nick decided that to live eternally damned was better than to crow-- and have that discarded popsickle stick his sire was wielding thrust up his nose. ((("What do we do now?"))) he asked humbly.

((("We? This is *your* mess, mon fils. Therefore, it is *your* responsibility to clean it up!")))

((("You don't seriously think I'm going to just go down there and start killing them off?))) the Belgium vampire asked, horrified at the very idea. Oh sure, he had bumped off unruly fledglings like Elizabeth and Richard before with hardly a qualm-- but these were his *grandkids!* No self-respecting grandpa did in his own grandkids. Spoil 'em rotten--sure; discipline?-- that was the parent's problem. Only the parent in this case was too young for such a weighty responsibility. ((("Um... why don't you make a call to the Raven and ask for assistance? Someone's bound to be back by now."))) He proferred his cell phone.

((("And broadcast this little fiasco to the whole Community?"))) his sire hissed back, grabbing his childe by the wrist to push the device away. ((("Absolutely not! Think of the blow to my-- the *Community's* pride if word got out to-- say-- the Montreal kindred that Toronto's Elders and two Enforcers were stumped by a pallet of vampiric pansies?!")))

((("Grrarrr!"))) concurred the Enforcers, looking *very* uncomfortable. H.Q. tended to frown mightily on that sort of thing.

((("Ok, Ok..."))) Nick let out a breath. ((("I'll call Felix. He knows plants better than anyone and I can count on him to be discreet.")))

((("Very well,"))) LaCroix agreed. Masher and Grunt nodded. What else could they do? None were too eager to find out just how formidable a vampire plant could be. Expecially *18* vampire plants with rather (from the looks of things) rowdy dispositions. ((("Call in this botanical friend of yours.")))

The detective started to dial when he noticed a video cabinet with a smashed in glass door. One of the more worn slots was conspicuously empty. He fingered the label under the spot which read simply: S.C.C.T.M. ((("You know, if the owner of this theatre files a complaint..")))

LaCroix, (who had gone somewhat paler than normal at the site of the abused cabinet), shook his head, but his voice tinted with anquish as he said, (((Rest assured, Nicholas, your *precinct* will not be receiving a complaint from the owner of this establishment.)))

Nick gave his sire an thoughtful look. Something was *really* upsetting his master. Oh well, LaCroix was often inscutable. He shrugged off the odd vibes and made the call.

<<Hello?>>

((("Felix, its Nick. I've got a problem.")))

<<So what else is new? It's not that pompous blow-hard of a da-->>

Nick hurriedly hit the cell phone's 'mute' button. ((( "Hehe... no, Felix, that problem's...er.. stuck and on hold for the moment."))) He avoided looking directly at his sire, who was currently working to free himself from the butterscotch's insidious clutches, but still flashed him an annoyed glance that said quite clearly: We Will Talk Later.

<<Oh. Well then-- what's up?>*gt;

The crusader filled the botanist in--then hastily removed the phone from his ear just before the expected blast. (Timing was everything when it came to a phone conversation-- and he had gotten that skill down pat what with the amount of calls he received from Natalie.)

<<WHAT?!! *YOU'RE* THE REASON I HAD TO SHUT DOWN AN ENTIRE RETAIL STORE! Darn it all, deBrabant! Doyouknowhow-->>

Waiting until he was fairly sure it was safe once more, Nick put the phone back to his ear for a moment. "Hold on, Felix." Spike had started to edge towards the exit; Nick reached out and grabbed him by the pot rim, dragging the reluctant cactus back to the cell phone. ((("Apologize to him, Spike."))) He thrust the phone up against his son's skin. Spike hesitated for a moment, caught the growing red in his father's eyes and did the plant version of a gulp.

<Rustle?>

<<:Well a fat lot of... say,.. you're not an Opuntia, are you?>>

<Rusttle? Rrustle, russtlle.>>

<Of course I am *not* prejudiced! It's only that I happen to know-->

LaCroix grimaced to himself as the phone conversation droned on. ((("How is it that everyone seems to be able to understand that thing except me?"))) he wondered aloud in annoyance. Masher grunted and growled softly in answer. ((("A green thumb? What does having a some verde pigmentation have to do with anything?"))) the Roman looked his hands over in perplexity.

<<Well... I suppose it was an accident.>> Felix's voice sounded resigned. <<Put your father back on, will you?>>

Nick plucked out the odd needle from his phone before putting it (the phone) to his own ear. ((("Hello, Felix. All straightened out?"))) he asked hopefully. He didn't have too many friends and could ill afford to lose anymore what with LaCroix all to willing to provide pruning in that particular area of his unlife.

<<DeBrabant, you have *got* to be out of your gourd letting such a thing happen... however did you manage it by the way?--- forget I asked that!. You *do* realize that this is an entirely new bag of fertilizer you've broken into. Pretty darn fresh too.>>

Nick took another peek down at the main seating and ducked back quickly to avoid getting hit by a random pollen pod missile. ((("You're telling me. Any suggestions?")))

<<Just this... go down there and show 'em who's boss.>>

((("That's your *best* recommendation?! Can I get a second opinion?")))

<<Hey--- I'm a vampire 'plant specialist'; not a 'vampire plant' specialist! You think Better Homes and Gardens can give you better advise-- go for it. Oh, one more thing...>>

((("Yeah?")))

<<Once you've got 'em all 'potty' trained..hehehe.. a little botanist humor there..>>

((("Felix!"))) his Medieval friend groaned in mounting exasperation.

<<ahem... Sorry. Once they know what's what.... can I adopt a few?>>

Part 14: "A Night at the Movies (C)"

++Previously in Part 13++ (Still in the movie house. Contacted via cell phone, Feliks counseled Nick to show the plants who was boss.)

It was unaminously decided that Nick and Spike would try to restore order first before the elders joined in.(Alright, actually the vote was 3 to 2, but by this time LaCroix and the Enforcers as well as Nick had managed to free themselves from the butterscotch residue.)

Standing on top of the balcony rail, Nick clutched Spike's pot close to his chest as he contemplated a good place to land. The sudden push of hands upon his back forced him to contemplate even faster. He flew to a comparatively open spot in front of the movie screen and set Spike protectively behind himself, before whipping out his badge and proclaiming in his best authoritative voice: "QUIET! EVERYONE STAY *EXACTLY* WHERE YOU ARE!"

All movement and noise stopped-- except for the sounds of teenage mortal smooching and the odd bit of debris already executing their flight plans. Nick watched one hit the back of the boy's head in a perfect bull's eye. The kid didn't even flinch. Teenagers. Bundles of hormones. He forced his eyes away from the mortals-- this was no time to slip into an I'm-with-Janette!-<grin>-Flashback.

"I'M NICK KNIGHT OF THE METRO POLI--YAAH-Uuuooomph!"

The medieval vampire of mammalian ancestry didn't stand a chance as the nearest plants leapt upon the detective and knocked him over flat (thankfully, not onto Spike), followed post haste by the rest of the botanical menangerie. In moments he was hidden under a mound of various shades of green, a silent and still Spike looking on; while overhead on the silver screen, Audrey the man-eating plant dispatched yet another excuse for an actor.

Back up on the balcony, LaCroix and the Enforcers watched the scene with dismay. LaCroix in particular was almost misty eyed as he surveyed the carnage below.

"Guess I'll have to get a new one after all..." He frowned, wondering how he was going to explain her lover's demise to Janette. Hmm... punctured by pansies? Flogged by ferns? Strangled by a spider plant? "Oh well... better him than me." His epitathical musings were cut short by the spreading grin on first Masher, then Grunt's faces. How dare the Enforcers be so disrespectful! That *had* been his favorite son after all. "And *what*, do you find so terribly funny?" (You big oafs!) LaCroix demanded sourly, suddenly realizing that with Nicholas' failure it was now up to *them* to subdue the rampaging foilage.

"Grrafff-rrer arrrr grarrrrhehehe."

"What do you mean: "that's so cute you wished you had your Polaroid"? What kind of insane statement--" the General stopped as his sensitive ears picked up an unexpected but vaguely familiar sound from below. What by Zeus? Leaning slightly over the balcony he saw the mound start to move in quick, jerky movements. And it was.. giggling..? "Nicholas?"

A tossled mop of curly blonde hair broke through the vegetation. It disappeared again for a moment, only to reappear a second afterward along with a gasping face.

"Waah--Wa-ait! Hoah-- Uncle! I'said 'UNCLE' already!" Nick half gasped, half giggled as he started unburying himself from the clinging leaves, fronds, and roots. "Spike!-- tell them *enough*!"

<"RRUSSTLE!">

Instantly the assorted plants disengaged from their prone quarry and straightened at attention, allowing their captive to struggle to a standing position once more. He fixed his mock-severe gaze on the still tittering spider plant; waggled a disapproving finger at them all.

"Shame on the bunch of you! Look at this *mess*! This is no way for those carrying the name of deBrabant to behave!" The chastised plants appeared to wilt a bit, but Nick showed them no mercy as he spread his arms to indicate the nearly destroyed theatre. "I want this all cleaned up before sunrise or you can all just forget about any bedtime stories tonight!

----------------------------------

"And then when I shouted out my name and they realized I was their Grandpa-- "

"Grandfather." LaCroix corrected stonily, eyes never leaving the road as his son droned on for several more minutes.

"--so then when I'd had enough of being leafpiled upon.."

"Dogpiled.."

"Yeah--- *that* wasn't so bad, but when they started the tickling! Well, you know how kids can be-- get to rough-housing and don't know when to stop?-- anyhow, everything worked out fine, don'cha think? It sure was nice of Masher and Grunt to adopt Venus and Spydie like that. And Feliks and the Enforcer Elders taking in the rest.... you sure you don't want to adopt Catty? She sure took a liking to you. Thought we'd never pry her loose."

"Positive."

"Tell you what, I'll pay to have your suit replaced."

The ancient didn't even glance down at his chloryphll-stained, and severely snaggled clothing. "Count on it."

"Gee, LaCroix! You're still mad at me about those mortals? I mean, Grunt's whammy worked fine--- the store clerk and theatre workers don't believe in vampires anymore. And even the Enforcer Elders agreed that it wasn't worth the bother to locate a crowbar to get those teens apart long enough for eye contact. Why are you still so sour faced? It's not my fault the grandkids took exception to your growling at me. It's not like you didn't heal."

LaCroix thought about his missing video tape and how his once-secret hidey place would soon be fodder for the local Community's gossip mill after the debacle that had taken place at the theatre....

~~~~~~~~~ LaCroix flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~

"I want this all cleaned up before sunrise--"

LaCroix felt a tide of rolling anger engulf him. Here he had allowed a bunch of assorted ingrediants for a demented Caesar's Salad to keep him bottled up in his own balcony, *ruined* what had been a pair of perfectly good Armani trousers, nearly lost a tear-drop of blood in misspent grief, suffered the break-in and loss of a treasured artifact... and there stood his son, commanding those self -same B-movie rejects as if they were a bunch of snot-nosed boy scouts! He leapt over the balcony and flew down to harrass his far-too-happy-looking offspring.

"Nicholas-- a word with you, mon fils."

"LaCroix... what's wro--?" His prot'eg'e had instinctively taken a fearful step back on seeing LaCroix's face--the master vamp was just starting to display his patented shark's grin... When all hell had broken loose.

He had still been fighting off the tenaciously grasping garden greenry when the Toronto Enforcer Elders had arrived, drawn by the plethora of highly-charged emotional, chaotic, (not to mention exotic) vampiric vibes that had been emanating from the theatre.

~~~~~~~~~ end of LaCroix flashback~~~~~~~~

It was all he could do to keep his hands wrapped around the Caddy's steering wheel as opposed to his prot'eg'e's neck.

Oblivious to just how close he was to being staked with the gear shift, Nick resettled Spike more comfortably in his lap and looked out the window. All in all the night hadn't turned out too terribly. He still had Spike, 18 adoring grandkids to spoil, (Eighteen! <grin> Good thing he had vampiric memory and a Latin background to remember who was who), and the well wishes of the entire Toronto Enforcer faction which had taken an extreme liking to all of the plants-- especially those that had expressed Enforcer-like dispositions. Sigh. If only his own father would lighten up as well.

"LaCroix...? This isn't the way back to the Raven." Nick ventured cautiously, not wanting to push his sire into even a deeper funk than he already seemed to be stuck in. His father never did take kindly to being corrected.

"That, mon fils," the Roman answered tightly, " is because we are going to your loft to finish that game of chess."

"Oh. But...?"

"Your place is closer." LaCroix grimaced.

And, more importantly, had less potentially annoying witnesses.

Part 15: "The Games Vampires Play"

++Previously in Part 14++ (the mysterious problem at the theatre is taken care of to everyone's satisfaction but LaCroix's.)

Despite the tenseness in the room, Nick couldn't help giving a yawn as he tiredly rubbed his eyes. LaCroix and his son had been going at it straight for nearly 20 hours now; conscripting him to move the pieces for them--neither now trusted the other one not to do something 'unchivalric'.

"Ka-boom!" LaCroix grinned ferally in delight as he made his move, knocking over a white, somewhat portly, balding 'cop' figure which appeared to be clutching a donut box. "Ratings takes Homicide Detective." He gestured for Nicholas to remove the fallen from the playing field.

Nick did as he was bid, unaccountabily feeling a deep sense of loss as he did so--- he had rather liked that particular piece. Gingerly, he laid it with the rest of the captured white metal forms. Now both sides were down to just a few main pieces to battle with.

"One down, one Knight to go, you stupid plant." the Ancient vampire leered possessively at the casualty's partner piece--a taller figure in a long duster coat holding some car keys. "You know that one is *mine*."

Spike bristled a bit at the mocking chuckle, but kept his cool and considered his options carefully. He still possessed his White Coroner-Bishop, the Commissioner's Kid-Queen, the King-Captain, and of course, the lonely Knight.

<Rustle rr rrustlle>

Nick reached over to take the tall, angsty-looking Knight and move it up two and over one left-- displacing the Black Queen-Rating System that had been previously occupying that particular square.

<Rrustle rus Rrusstle. Rrusstle!>

"Knight takes Ratings." Nick helpfully translated for his sire. "Hit."

"Don't tempt me, mon fils." His master growled. LaCroix narrowed his eyes as he studied his King-Network Owner's situation. For the unlife of him he could see no move that would stop the insufferable desert weed from being able to proclaim: Cult Hit! End of Game.

And that was simply intolerable.

Unthinkable.

Impossible.

And since it *was* impossible...

"You cheated." The master vampire declared getting to his feet while shooting out his arm in a move meant to dramatically sweep the 'surviving' pieces from the board--- forgetting that it was a *magnetized* travel set. And 'travel' it did. The entire game went sailing up at high speed into his unprepared son's face.

Nick lay dazed with the board on top of his head, staring entranced at the blurry, checkered pattern and white-suited image of his master doing the Macarena that swam before his eyes. "Curiouser and curiouser..." he gurgled to himself before passing out on his living room floor.

"<RUSTLE>!" (translation: DADDY!)

All the needles on Spike's skin elongated to their full extent as the cactus leapt over and landed full force on one highly polished shoe that happened to be attached at that moment to one 6-foot plus vampire..

LaCroix gave a yelp of pain as the clay pot smashed into his foot with such force that the container cracked-- causing a sizeable chunk of the pottery to fall off. From this chink poked the corner of a video box sandwiched between the potting mix and gravel. LaCroix stared at it in recognition for a moment before turning red-filled eyes at his adversary. "You! You will *pay* for this!" He snatched up a decorative sword Nick kept near the fireplace next to an assortment of wooden stakes and hefted it menacingly. "Prepare to become COMPOST!"

Spike leapt backwards out of his ruined pot, arms whirling in a karate-esque manner. (Nick had the entire Bruce Lee and Karate Kid video collections and Spike had become an avid fan.) "! The cactus challenged back in his best badly-dubbed Japenese accent.

____________________

Groaning, Nick, pushed off the board game and rubbed his aching head. From the racket going on it sounded like Spike had left a Bruce Lee video running again. The kid thought electricity grew on trees. "Spike! Turn that darn tele-- " He froze. Oh no!

The room was a shambles. Kitchen, Undead Room, Entertaiment. This could only mean...

A loud crash.

"<RRRUUUUSSSTLE!>"

"Rustle yourself, you demented pincushion! Ha! You miss--OW!"

The noise was coming from upstairs. Nick staggered to his feet in time to see a bruised-looking Spike sail down the bannister followed by an enraged Ancient Roman Sire. LaCroix looked like he had suffered through one of that 'China Blossoms' herbalist's acupuncture sessions while the Chinese doctor had been drunk.

Great. Another Family dispute. He hated Family Disputes. "Can't we all just get along?!" he cried out plainitively.

LaCroix, brandishing a wooden stake he had traded for the sword, made a lunge at his prickly prey . "Of course, Nicholas--- right after I've tapped us both a refreshing Cactus Cooler! Ow!" Spike had scored another direct hit. Unfortunately, doing so put him in reach of LaCroix for a split second too long. The Roman grabbed a needled cactus pad in triumph. It hurt like hell, but at this point he didn't care. "Ha! Now I've got you!" Lacroix hefted the makeshift stake high while Nick looked on in horror.

"NNNNOOOOOOOO! LACROIX, DON'T!"

"Sorry, mon fils!" LaCroix cackled in utmost insincerity, "It's for the best!" Without a second's hesitation he plunged the stake into the struggling cactus, holding on with a grip of iron until he felt his quarry go limp, then he dumped Spike on the ground. Pausing only to gather up his video tape from the pot and place it safely in a jacket pocket, the victorious vampire flew straight up out the skylight, leaving a fading trail of maniacal laughter and his devastated son.

Sobbing, Nicholas went over to his childe and pulled out the stake, but it was clear Spike was rapidly fading away. There was nothing he could do now but hold...ouch!... him close. "I'm sorry, Spike! I'm soo sor--"

His angsting was rudely cut short when the doorbuzzer went off.

"--hold on a moment, Spike." He went to the door and flipped on the intercom. "Yes?"

<<"Hiya, pal. I've got a special-delivery type package here from Arizona? Receipt says 'Carl's Crazy Cactus Concotions-- It Ain't Compost Til We Say So, Inc.' going to one 'Nick Knight'. You wanna sign fer it?">>

-------------------------

A few days later at the Raven...

"I warn you, Janette-- if you so much as bring a plastic *daffodil* into this establishment I will personally hang you from the ceiling with your own chains!"

Janette took a pouty sip from her drink. She had just come back from a wonderful day trip to Paris only to have to return to this mess. "If I allowed plastic *anything* other than a credit card, mon pere, I would *want* you to stake me. Now, why don't you go to your room and relax? Between the Montreal vampires and our own Enforcers you are still so keyed up you are frightening away the customers."

LaCroix huffed at that, but it was true enough. Putting out the various gossip fires about himself had made him a touch irascible. Perhaps a little light entertainment *was* in order. At least he had the satisfaction of knowing that that pesky prickly pear was out of his and Nicholas's lives forever.

"I suppose." He poured himself his own glass of bloodwine from the bar. "Thank you Janette."

"What for?"

"For never creating any Frankenstein fledglings."

"I leave those to Nicolah." Janette smiled at him. "Now, go get some rest, mon pere." She watched him head toward his room in the back of the club, sipping thoughtfully at her drink. So, another of Nicolah's fledglings had ceased to exist. How unfortunate for him. Yes... she would definitely have to go see him soon--- maybe spend the day. All in the interest of offering sisterly comfort of course. Smiling, she headed towards her own rooms to check over her new dresses. She wanted to look her best when she offered her angsty brother a shoulder to cry on. Maybe the red strapless?

Minutes later Lacroix was taking out his 'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians--Deluxe Version with Additional Footage' tape and slipping it into his vcr. Lying down on his satin-covered bed, he points the remote control at the tv and tape machine, pushed the button and:

!!GRRRRRIIIIIIInnccccccccrrrrrrrruuuukkkkkkcrrccrrrrrcrrrrrrkunkknunkknunk!!

Moving faster than superman on steriods, LaCroix flew to his vcr to stop the machine, but it is too late. The brown film looks like a dog has chewed it. As he tipped the cassette a bit to further assess the damage, a small stream of sandy potting soil cascaded out to land on his shoe.

"AAAAAHHHHHRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!" _______________________

"A wooden stake, huh?" Natalie chewed thoughtfully on one finger as she moved to sit curled up next to Nicholas on his leather couch. When Nick had called to tell her what had happened she had rushed right over to offer her support--- though she was secretly glad the creepy thing was gone. "I would have thought that what with its being... oops, sorry, Nick. This must be very hard on you-- " she placed a consoling hand on his shoulder, "Spike's death, I mean."

"He's gone to a better place, Nat."

"Yeah," his true love (for this decade anyway) gave him a sweet smile as she playfully socked him on the arm. "Told you you should have gotten petunias instead."

(Nick casually rubbed his offended body part. He really had to talk to her about those spousal abuse tendancies that kept surfacing... Oh, well. After Natalie left, raven-haired Janette would be dropping by to soothe his grieving psyche and any other incurred boo-boos. Sometimes unlife wasn't so bad... )

His mouth formed into a lop-sided smile. "How about cowslips?" He waggled his brows at her.

"Cat o' Nine Tails?" Natalie suggested.

"Dragonsnaps?"

"Do knights do well with dragons?" his damsel wondered aloud.

"Dunno. Do coroners do well with vampires?"

Natalie grinned widely. "Let's find out."

Nick hugged Natalie close, quietly pulling out from his jacket pocket a 'Phoenix, AZ' marked postcard he had been reading earlier and sliding it under the sofa as he kissed the coroner . The doctor was too involved in the sudden smooching to notice the sly manuever or the desert sunset theme.

______________ Meanwhile, somewhere in the Sonoran desert under a bright canopy of stars... A tall, prickly pair cactus, (that would have done any Arizona Highways photographer proud), quietly stuck a Toronto nightscaped-scened postcard into a handy saguaro boot storage container. As the plastic-coated missive leaned against the remains of a half-eaten stake, the cactus casually slipped one thorny arm around one prized Platycerium bifurcatum (Staghorn fern)--- who coyly covered them both with a large frond.

******* end of part 15 and this story *******

Hoped you all enjoyed. Well all you non-LaCroix fanatics anyway...