Coruscant: Jedi Temple-- Master Jinn's Quarters
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Nick awoke from a bad dream to feel of warm sunlight streaming on his face.
His first reaction was one of alarm, then confusion as he took in the unfamiliar surroundings: spartanly furnished room with a large, open window. He got up and stretched, moving to look out throught the thick glass which presented the image of a robust city that would put those of New York and Paris to shame. Qui-Gon had informed him that the towering spires scraping the sky were, in fact, a scene common throught the planet: it was all one mind-boggling huge city. The center of a galaxy-wide Republic.
"Coruscant," Nick murmured the supplied name. He was on the planet Coruscant in another galaxy--- maybe even a whole other reality. A reality where oddly shaped beings ruled alongside what passed for humans here.
A lazy scratch of an itch behind one ear reminded him of the other thing: He was an alien. Talk about your Stranger in a Strange Land. He wondered what the author of that novel would think of his current situation. Hell-- his whole damned life!
His muddled thoughts were interrupted by a knock on his door.
"If you're my Fairy Godmother come to send me back to where things make sense--- by all means--- come on in," Nicholas boomed.
The opened to reveal the tall form of the Jedi Master, greying hair pulled back sternly from a face that radiated calmness. Nick wished he felt some of that serenity.
"Fairy Godmother?"
"Never mind. I doubt your lightsaber doubles as magic wand anyway--- besides, I already know I won't gain an 'and they lived happily ever after' epilogue."
Qui-Gon indicated the cot with its tousled blankets. "I take it you did not sleep well?" he inquired.
"The bed *was* a little lumpy--- but I managed."
"My apologies. I've grown to use to it myself, but tonight I will see that a new cot is brought in for your use."
Nick bit his tongue. So this was Qui-Gon's room. "It is I who should apologize for kicking you out of your own place." Nick said contritely though he didn't even remember at what point he had fallen asleep last night. Here the man had taken him in and given him is own bed--- and he had complained about it. "Where did you sleep?"
"On the couch."
That brought the ghost of a smile to Nick's lips as he thought of all the daylight hours he had spent laid out on his favorite piece of furniture back at the Loft. "In that case, tonight we can switch places: that's a sleeping accomadation I'm well used to myself."
"As you wish. But I thought that for your first morning with us, you might appreciate this room." He nodded towards the large window. "From your tale of yesterday, I gathered you would enjoy being awakened by sunlight."
"Thank you." Nick bowed his head in acknowledgement of the other's thoughtfulness, tactfully not mentioning that the first few seconds of being so awakened had actually scared the willies out of him--- before he realized that his skin was not blistering in preparation to his bursting into flames. Ayar's skin. Nick frowned, suddenly feeling like some sort of ghoulish thief: he was still grieving over having stolen people's blood--- now he seemed to be switching to bodies. He hastily changed the subject.
"Where did Kenobi sleep?"
"Obi-Wan's quarters are on another level along with the rest of the padawans'. We only share a room when a mission demands it. He will be stopping by later after his early excercises."
"You mean he's working out? Can we join him?--- I wouldn't mind getting rid of little nervous energy myself".
"I'm afraid that might not be wise at this point, Nicholas." Qui-Gon noticed a small tremor pass through the Anaran hybrid's frame. "For one thing: you are not fully recovered from your ordeal."
"I'm fine--- really. It's just that when..." Nick paused. He really didn't feel like telling the man that what with his soft voice, imposing frame, and calm demeanor, that innocent statement delivered just so, had combined to reminded him strongly of his vampiric master/father. What had been really unnerving had been his indecision as to whether the memory had been good or not. His relationship with LaCroix had tended to bounce between familial love and consuming hate. "... when you spoke it reminded me of someone. Would you mind referring to me as 'Nick' instead?"
"Of course not, if that is your wish.. Nick," The Jedi agreed. "However, on the other matter we must exhibit patience. Although you may feel well enough physically, emotionally you are not ready to step beyond these walls yet."
"I've accepted that I'm no longer in my own world, Master Jinn," Nick laughed humorously. "It's gotten too impossible to deny any longer." He spread his arms out. "And like it or not, I'm stuck here. That being the case, I would really like to learn what my new limits in this.. 'form' are. Coming from a military background yourelf, you can understand that"
"Indeed I can--- although I would hardly refer to the Jedi Order as 'military': we use more diplomacy than cohersion." Grey eyes watched in mild concern as his 'houseguest' began to pace around the room in movements that alternated between being graceful and jerky. "But I was actually thinking of another problem you must address."
"And that is?" Nick stopped and looked at his boots, trying to quell his rising anger. There was no reason for it.
"Your xenophobia."
"What?"
"Your fear of those who are different from what you are used to. This is a large galaxy, de Brabant, and only a small portion of those who live in it are humanoid much less human. You yourself are no long--"
"As a vampire I was not exactly considered 'human', Master Jinn." Again the spike of anger.
"But neither did you have a set of multiple arms," Qui-Gon pointed out. "Nor did any of the people you lived among."
"The Healers..." Nick remembered his first thrill of horror at seeing those who had been only trying to help him.
"Yes. That is why your Council interview had been delayed by Masters Yoda and Windu." Qui-Gon smiled gently. "You must admit it would be hard to answer their questions if the likes of.. say.. Master Plo Koon or Master Yarael Poof had you been rendered catatonic before them. You should also take an old Jedi teaching to heart: Fear leads to Anger. Anger leads to Hate. Hate leads to the Dark Side." Qui-Gon stepped forward to lay a large hand on Nick's shoulder. "I sense a strong anger in you. Let me help you release it to the Force before it turns into something far worse. Tell me what it is you fear."
A nervous bark of a laugh escaped from him before he could suppress it. "You said yourself I am afraid of your Masters Yoda and the others."
"But you are already striving to accept them without even meeting them first. I sense you are a man open to new experiences."
Nick snapped bitterly, "Unfortunately-- that's a correct assessment. In fact, if I had been more leery of new things I wouldn't be here now."
"How so?" "Because I was drawn to a certain lady's different culture, I caused the loss of my family's honor. Because I was drawn to another lady's invitation to accept a new experience--- I lost my humanity." He looked up into the Jedi's face, eyes haunted. "For centuries I strived to regain at least some portion of what I had lost. I tried to make it up to my mother-- and became a Beast instead. I tried to help my sister-- and ended up scarring the mind of her son. I tried to take and keep a mortal wife--- something no vampire had ever attempted before--- and ended up with her dead on our wedding night. I tried to embrace the faith of someone I loved more than any before her--- someone who trusted me completely despite knowing what I was. I ended up killed her as well. I decided then it was time to embrace the biggest new experience of all: Death itself--- something I had been pushing away for 800 years. And what happens?"
"You survived."
A frustrated snort. "Oh, yes... I 'survived'. Gotten so accustomed to 'surviving' it seems to have become an automatic reflex for me no matter what." He closed his eyes, body shaking silently. "You ask what I'm afraid of? I'm afraid that I'll never find lasting peace and happiness--- that I'm doomed to be a galactic 'Wandering Jew' fated to go on and on in literally one form or another, making friends and losing them to Time for Eternity. Always ultimately alone."
"Perhaps you should change your focus."
"What do you mean?"
"Your focus determines your reality. Instead of seeing yourself as 'doomed' by an uncaring universe, why not see your self as the favorite child of a Creation that is loathe to be without your presence?"
Nick stared sourly at him. "I've had my fill of being a 'favorite' child, Qui-Gon."
The taller being shrugged. "'Lover', then."
The misplaced Terran's jaw went slack. Then it firmed despite itself into a reluctant grin. "Are you always this amazingly optimistic?"
The Jedi's response was a deadpanned, "Invariably. I found it annoys the Seven Hells out of my padawan."
Qui-Gon lifted an amused eyebrow as the other collapsed in laughter.
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End of Part 6